3.5 Words Every Kid Needs to SEE From Their Dad

I was on a call for work the other day and as I was speaking, my Alexa thought I was talking to “her” and began replying that she was sorry – she couldn’t find the information I was looking for.

 

…

 

Thanks, Alexa. …for trying.  …I guess

 

That’s when it dawned on me.  Many days it feels like my Alexa is listening to me even though I’m NOT talking to it.

 

…While my kids are not listening to me when I AM talking to them!

 

Cruel fate!  Why do you mock me?

 

And yet, despite the fact that sentences like “Shut off the dang lights!” “Bedtime is 10:30,” and “Brush your teeth” often go unheeded, on the things that matter, the words of a father in the ears of his kids have an impact we probably don’t appreciate.  And if our spoken words carry weight, anything we write is all the more powerful.

 

Not long ago my family and I were at church.  It was the first post-COVID time we were allowed to sing, and our cantor, Kevin, observed that when you sing, you pray twice.

 

Similarly, when you WRITE to your kids, you speak a million times over.

 

I once read an article where someone suggested a father write a brief love-filled note to his daughter. Soon after writing the note, the dad forgot about it. Years later, as he helped her pack her room for a move, he noticed right in the nightstand top drawer, on top of all the other junk, was a folded, worn, and “velveteen” note—the letter he’d written years earlier. After writing it, he never thought of it again, but based on its appearance and location, she very well may have read it every single day since.

 

“Okay, I get it.  Writing is a great way to connect with the kids.  But WHAT am I supposed to say?  And How?”

 

In the end there are 3.5 words every child should see from their father.

 

“Wait, don’t you mean ‘hear?'”

 

Like the story above, when we put something in writing to our kids, we give them the opportunity to “hear” those words multiple times a day.  Every day.  …Forever.  So let’s make those words count.

 

Which words?

 

1) Love:  Simple. When in doubt, stick with I love you – more than you could ever know, and with all of my being.  You do you and say it your way, but be sure to say it.

 

2) Proud: I see you.  I notice what you are doing.  It matters to me, makes me happy, and I enjoy telling the world how awesome you are. Specifics are always nice.

 

3) Future: The future is a big place and I can’t wait to see what role you play in it.  God has great plans for you. I believe in you, even on the days you might not believe in yourself. 

 

3.5) Always: No matter what – your dad will be there for you. Your actions speak louder than words, of course. But reassure them with both words and your future actions that your love, pride and belief in them are not temporary and nothing can ever take them away.

 

 

 

As for the “How,” no real magic here.  A few guiding principles:

 

-Anything is better than nothing.

-Handwritten is a plus.

-You don’t need to cram all your paternal love and wisdom into a single note.

 

Here are a few specific ideas:

 

-A quick note on a scrap of paper with something small you leave on their dresser.

-Occasional Post-it notes in the lunchbox/backpack.

-A longer letter for their birthday or other milestone.

-Texts with quick message of “Have a great day – I love you.”

-Text a picture of you two from a time you shared together.

-You can always keep it light with a silly meme, Bitmoji, or dad joke.

 

As dads, we use a lot of words everyday with our kids to ask and inform and cajole and vent.  It’s often easy to think they are not listening to us.

 

They are.

 

Just not to the words we think. Make THOSE words count.